a promise, is a promise

So, I promised I would write every night and I continue to keep it. It's only been a week, I can't already start to slack. Especially since, really what else do I have to be doing??

I haven't been able to sleep lately. It is awful, I go to bed around 5am and sleep until 3pm or so. This can't continue to happen. I am starting to become nocturnal, and that is not a normal or natural human characteristic trait. I don't even remember how I started this unruly process. That's a lie, I do - those nights where you have thoughts bouncing around your head, and they won't stop, and grow into thoughts of other crap that you think may be going on. The stuff that your brain is thinking up all on it's own, which takes any thought to a whole new unrealistic level.

I wish there was a switch. When you are ready to sleep, you flip it and viola!- thoughts racing through your head commence and sleep prevails.

Enjoy the quote!

"I can't help but blame my head for all of my heart's mistakes. For my heart is vulnerable and only knows of which it feels. It's my head that confuses those feelings with it's thoughts of the way I think something should be" - Me

...I'm just sayin...

Birthday

Well, today I am officially 25 years old. Every year the same question always seems to be asked. "Do you feel any different/older?" My answer is always "no." It seems simple but I will reiterate the obvious just in case. It is not the day or the age that makes you feel different. It's not a snap of a finger and all of a sudden you are more mature, or you have a few more grey hairs. Maturity comes with experiences, how you react to them, how you bounce back from them, and most importantly what you learn. That grey hair comes with stress - that I am certain of!!!!

I am celebrating my day of birth with a few groups of people (family and friends) on a few different days as well as in a few different ways. I think this is the first year, however, that I have not made a huge production, with an elaborate Birthday celebration. Maybe I'll do that again when I turn 30.

Enjoy the quote!

"Maturity defines the person we have become, how far our conscience has taken us, but most importantly how far we intend to go." - Me

...I'm just sayin...

thank goodness for family

My parents came into town today, from Northern Virginia, to celebrate my Birthday. I will be turning 25 on Monday, January 11th. My brother, sister in law, and nephew also came over. Oh and of course, my roommate, and brother, Matt. It was a fun time. Mom made her famous buffalo wings -- came into town with her deep fryer, gallon of oil, and anchor bar sauce in hand. Dad made sure our wine glasses were always full and made martinis towards the end of the night. I was surprised with a cake and still have no clue how they snuck out to get it!!

The best part of the night, however, had to be playing Partini. If you've never heard of this game - educate yourself. If you don't own it - find your nearest Target and buy it!! It is a challenging, yet fabulous game!

It is, also, always great to be able to get together with the whole family. It seems to sometimes be so fast paced here, which makes it extra special to get a little break. There is a sense of security, especially when living in, what can sometimes be called, "the chaos of NYC".

My family seems to be a tad concerned with my love life. They definitely give a great boost of confidence, though, and really know how to bring me back to my senses and the reality of a current situation. I had become so caught up in the past, that (for lack of a better description) I wanted to try and stay there. Not realizing that EVERYTHING had changed, even myself and the other person involved. Do I hold hatred? I try not to...Am I upset? Can't help but be. However, the reality of the situation is that I need to be honest with myself and realize that I haven't known this person for quite sometime. If a person doesn't open up to you completely, it can never last.

Reality of the situation: I've got a lot going for me. Just got a degree. Turning 25 in two days. Will soon have a career. Have a great apartment in a great area and DRUM ROLL PLEASE.... I'm going to start dating again. It's time to date. I can honestly say, I don't think I ever have just "dated." It's always been relationship or single - nothing in between. I have never really gone out with different guys- just seeing what I want, don't want, like, or dislike.

Like I told my family on New Years Eve : THIS IS GOING TO BE MY YEAR!!! and I intend on keeping that hope!

Enjoy the quote. This is something I definitely need to try and live by.

"Try not to get so caught up in the past, that you forget how to live for the future. Change can be scary - but find the strength, so that all the opportunities you are meant to have are able to reveal themselves" -Me

...I'm just sayin...

social life or bust

I went to a bar in Manhattan with some friends last night. It was obviously a good night. I know this, because I did not physically get out of my bed until this evening at 6pm, except for a glass of water here and there. Not because of a horrible hangover, because truthfully it wasn't that bad, but because my body was in pain for some reason. I recall a conversation with my Dad the last time I was in Virginia. He told me "you're not 19 anymore, when you get into your mid and late 20's your not going to be able to party like you did when you were younger. Your recovery time is not the same." Well he was right. Sure, at night, I can party with the rest of them, but the next day is a different story.

Enjoy the quote! It isn't as deep as usually-just something fun!

"Another person's perception of you is never important - unless of course they think you're amazing" - Me

..I'm just sayin..

with open eyes

Who ever said there can't be beauty in a breakdown anyway?.....

I stumbled across a musician I have never heard of before..CRAIG CARDIFF. I urge you to check him out, his words and sound are beautiful and thought provoking. I'll leave you with a nibble -

"..But sadness is just love wasted

With no little heart to place it inside.." -Craig Cardiff

"Smallest Wingless"

Enjoy the quote!

"take a step back and look at the situation. Is it what you imagined? If not, fix it. You have that power, even when you think you don't -- and maybe, just maybe something more beautiful will reveal itself." - Me

..I'm just sayin..

to close a door

According to the Merriam- Webster dictionary, the definition of CLOSURE is an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality ; also : something (as a satisfying ending) that provides such a sense.

"take down the pictures, erase the memories...but you will only realize it caused you to endure more pain; because it was at that exact moment, in which, you finally set me free." - Me

"Don't hold angst against closure, for it allows a clean break and the power to venture forward with the future" -Me

..I'm just sayin..

Couldn't sleep

Well, it's Christmas come early folks!!

I woke up at 6:50am with a splitting headache that had now made a home in my brain for the last 24 hours. Just AWFUL!! I took so Excedrin Migraine and tried to get back to bed. Then, that thing happened --- dreaded thoughts start running through my head a mile a minute and I can't fall asleep for the life of me. So, I grabbed my phone which is always conveniently placed right next to me when I sleep; opened the notepad; and started thumbing away.

You guessed it, these thoughts somehow coherently came together into a montage of, what I would like to think, are beautiful words.

Enjoy the Quote!

..The hardest part of letting go is realizing that you will inevitably be replaced. In the future, you will become a distant memory to someone who used to make you their priority. Unfortunately, that is the reality.. -Me

..I'm just sayin..